Tuesday, March 24, 2015

"Everything is going to be all right."

I run into a lot of older women in my line of work. (My momly line of work.) They are so perfectly sweet and nice to me and don’t judge me for being a baby having babies, which is awfully good of them.

But one thing older ladies like to say is that “everything is going to be all right.” They’re probably saying it because they’ve lived longer and they have much more perspective on life’s problems, big and small, and they think I’m overreacting, and they want to stop me before I get into an emotional train wreck.

Here’s the thing, though. I know I’m overreacting and turning into a blubbery mess over a problem that will probably just blow over. But saying that everything is going to be all right really isn’t going to help anything. The emotional train wreck is just going to happen. You know why? Not because I have a silly little problem. It’s because I’m a brand-new mom, and my whole life is changing, and my body is postpartum, and I’m freaked out because my heart is bursting with a love for this baby that I never knew I was capable of. And I’m realizing that I don’t have the kind of free pass to make mistakes that I used to, because I have a husband and a baby now, and they’re relying on me. And this big life change is causing me to question who I am, and what I want, and those questions are scaring me because what if I was always wrong about the answers, and I’m secretly a total screw-up headed for a major mid-life crisis?

So basically, I’m a mess.

If there’s one thing I could really use right now, it’s five minutes where I can just whine about the tiny problems in my life, like how my baby hates tummy time but she has a mild flat spot on her head so I do it because I’m afraid she’s going to have to get one of those corrective helmet things. Or how breastfeeding is terribly frustrating but I can’t even think about stopping. Or the million other small grievances that don’t make life impossible or anything, but they’re kind of annoying.

Yeah, I know everything is going to be okay. I mean, everyone in my family is healthy and well, and I have the support of countless family members and friends, and I have a roof over my head and food to eat. I know how huge those things are. In ten years I’m probably not even going to remember how much my first baby cried when I put her on her tummy. But there are a million worse things that could happen that I’m trying not to think about and that scare me every day, so really, when I complain about how many times I have to change a diaper in a day, don’t say “Everything is going to be okay.”

How about instead you just say, “Man, that sucks.”

Or whatever the older-woman equivalent is.


  1. I'm so excited about this blog! I can't really share all the comments that popped into my head while reading because Summer is hovering and it's hard to use the computer with her around. But I'll mention a few things.

    You intrigued me by saying on Classics and Beyond that you've been reading a lot of personal finance and homeschooling books. I really would be interested in hearing about them. I love personal finance books and I've read practically all of them in my small library, but I'd like to get suggestions for books to order from other libraries. I haven't quite settled into my niche with homeschooling books, but since I'm homeschooling Summer I'm interested in exploring the topic.

    Summer absolutely hated tummy time as well. She didn't have any flat spots on her head (probably because she made us hold her 24/7), but I think the lack of tummy time did affect her motor skill development. She had a really hard time with any skills that originated from the tummy - she actually learned to walk before she learned to crawl. But she learned to scoot instead of crawling, and she has no deficits now, so I wouldn't trade the scooting for more typical development because it was so incredibly adorable!

    1. Hmm, did I just say in a roundabout way that "everything is going to be all right" with the tummy time issue? Maybe I should have put this comment on a different post! I just wanted to share my own tummy time experience.

    2. Haha! No worries. ;)

      Rhonda is actually beginning to like tummy time (depending on her mood). I think I didn't do it enough at first, so once I started doing it more, she didn't have the strength to lift her head up very much and it was frustrating to her. Now that she's gaining some strength, she can do more--I think rolling over is on the horizon!

      I've been perusing a book called Homeschooling: The Early Years (for homeschooling kids 3-8). I've mostly been reading it so I'll start thinking about what my homeschooling will look like in a few years, but you might actually like it better than I do. I like that it encourages a lot of different approaches instead of focusing on just one way. I also read The Brainy Bunch, the one I recommended to you.

      The personal finance books I've been reading are just ones I grabbed off the library shelves, so I wouldn't say they're masterpieces or anything, but I've been enjoying them. The one I finished recently is The Money Saving Mom's Budget, which was more about budgeting, couponing, etc. (everyday details). The one I'm currently reading is I Will Teach You To Be Rich, which is more about big-picture saving and investing. You might already know the information in it, but it's a pretty entertaining read, too.

      So, there you go! Let me know if you decide to read any of them. :)